Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Do Not Understand You

Life news first.

Seems as though my laptop's power chord has once again bent itself over and gone to town (or as those with lower brows might say, fucked itself). This wouldn't be such a problem, but on top of that the battery hasn't worked for at least three years now. This coming just after I saved it from certain doom and shutdown. Needless to say, I'm rather annoyed.


Now to the juicy bits.


Why are people that speak straight gibberish always such nice people? Notice I said gibberish there and not bullshit. This is not an admittance that I think that Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin are nice people (by the way, Sarah. Kudos on the hand-o-prompter. I haven't used that one since middle school!).

There were two different instances within five minutes of each other that I had no idea what someone was saying to me.

The first guy I heard loud and clear when he was about 30 feet away. He was shouting "WHO DAT!" in front of the seafood counter while wearing a New Orleans Saints hat. I had a pretty good idea where this guy was from by those context clues alone, but then I found out just how damned hard to understand cajun people are.

With a smile on his face, he started talking to me about this that and the other. I think I picked out "You e'er been Mardi Gras?" "Go up Bourbon Street" "Man, you young, man". Could be completely wrong about that, but I smiled and nodded through all of it as if he spoke perfect english.

The thing is, he was really passionate about what he was saying. It made me really, really want to understand him so I could smile and laugh about what he was saying. He probably would've been pretty funny. I mean, he was fucking hilarious when he was talking gibberish, I can only imagine what he'd be like if I could understand a word he said.

Then there's Eddy, the maintenance guy. I heard that he told everyone he had a brick dropped on his head when he was a kid, and that really, really explains a lot. I went into the back to go get my jacket when I saw him and this produce guy sitting there talking. I told them about this cajun dude that I'd just "talked" to. Eddy then started talking about something somehow related, which involved getting with 17 year old girls from California whose moms had run away and possibly died after they found their cell phones by a lake.

How I took that from "Hey man how're you a *indecipherable alien language* 17 years old?" is beyond me.

Thing is, Eddy is also a really nice guy. Sometimes I can even understand him.

My question is, why are these people so nice? They have prime opportunities to be absolute dicks to everyone, but they decide instead to waste a unique talent. What would you say to someone if you knew they couldn't understand you?

Here's a quick list:

-"Smile and nod if you've stuffed gerbils down your shirt."
-"Is that a ten gallon hat or are you just compensating for something?"
-"I think we should hoard all of the food we can and let all those dirty folks in Africa starve. Don't you agree?"

Human decency states we have to smile and nod if we don't understand what someone is saying to us. It's something we're hardwired to do. You have to wonder what God was thinking there. Really it proves he doesn't have a sense of humor. If you could give your creations one reaction to not understanding what people are saying, would you really waste that on smiling and nodding?

No. Here's a few things you'd do:

-A sharp, high-pitched shriek.
-Eyes rolling into the back of the head, followed by an unbreakable hallucinogenic trance.
-A deep humming noise coming from the midsection.
-Laser Light Show

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